…much has happened but always in the back of my mind, my mum. I suppose because I would share just about everything with her. Take for example last night: our town has been without a cinema ever since I was a child. About two months ago, mum rang me to say that we were at last getting one. It opened two weeks ago. Oh how she would have loved it! Plush leather sofas and armchairs, a bar and a selection of excellent films. We saw The Young Victoria. Sumptous and terribly romantic, wonderful!
Mum’s funeral took place on the 25th. I had chosen three pieces of music to be played along with two hymns to be sung. All were pieces that mum loved: ‘Sanctus’ and ‘May the Road Rise Up’ by Libera and ‘Blue in Blue’ by Patrick Hawes and all are choral. The acoustics in the church played them at their best. My brother was extraordinarily brave and stood up to talk about our mum in such a touching and moving way.The words he read out at the end moved everyone to tears….I have included them at the end of this post.
It’s actually incredibly hard to put into words what it’s like to lose your mum. She was the anchor to my past. I’ve spent many hours going through the 100’s of photos she’d collected over the years, lots going back to before she was born. I’d seen them many times before but it’s not until now that I’ve really come to value them. So many questions I’d like to ask about them with no one to ask. I’ll finish this post with three although only one of them is actually old. Hold the mouse over to read what I’ve said about them.
You can shed tears that she is gone
Or you can smile because she has lived
You can close your eyes and pray that she will come back
Or you can open your eyes and see all that she has left
Your heart can be empty because you can’t see her
Or you can be full of the love that you shared
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday
Or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday
You can remember her and only that she is gone
Or you can cherish her memory and let it live on
You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back
Or you can do what she would want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on.
15 Comments
Lovely photos and lovely words Nikki.. we can see where you get your good looks from
You take care and my thoughts are with you
Luv n hugs Pixie xxx
you’ve done it again woman, made my eyes sting with tears. Beautiful words, I especially love the last line.
You are very like your mum to look at, and I simply adore that black and white piccie. Gorgeous.
Are you going away this weekend? I need to know lady, if you won’t be there this week I won’t post your *something* until you come back.
To answer your q. Yes, we do our own decorating. We had a bizarre conversation last night. Bill said ‘if I were to paint everything in this house – doors, frames, skirting, ceiling – I’d have to give up work because it would take me a year to do ‘. I just looked at him and said ‘well, I didn’t ask you to do all that so don’t give up work just yet’. What the heck?! I still have no idea where that came from. His mind is just a mystery to me. The times he says something totally random and expects me to know what he’s on about simply because it was sitting in his head a few minutes beforehand. I’m always shouting at him ‘I’m not mystic meg you know’. Men!
All the goodies I ordered this week has arrived. Can’t believe it’s been so quick. I feel very organised and very happy with everything. On the cloche is etched some kind of ivy wreath and some letters. ‘c.l.y’ no idea why or what it means, but it looks lovely. Like some olde antique I’ve found in some dark and dingy junk shop.
thanks for your visit today. I always like it when I find your name in my comments
The dress is from Joules, have you ever bought from them? Do you know how their sizes come up?
oh, and here is something that’s been on my mind for a while. Lady Ga Ga. Is she really Donatella Versace? Or, not so kindly, doesn’t she seem a bit ‘blokey’?
xxxx
Oh, Nikki, what a beautiful post. I enjoyed the photos, and your brother’s words made me pause and be thankful for those I have loved and lost in my own family over the years. I just wanted to say I have thought of you so often lately and wished I could be there for you in some small way.
Dear Nikki, my heart goes out to you, this is such a sad time & your brother’s words are so special, thank you for sharing them with us. You’ve been in my thoughts & you still are, big hugs
quick hello from me. Hope you have a lovely Easter. xx
quick scribble from me to say hope today isn’t too horrible for you. I don’t envy you your task at all, I know how I’d feel if I had to go and do that, so I really feel for you.
On another matter. Have been to the post office this morning. Hopefully your little something should be there soon.
xxxxx
p.s the whole archie/danielle/ronnie/roxy/jack/amy debacle has just been too tedious for words. They just love to drag things on and on and on (too much) then end it abruptly in such a stupid manner. the BBC have had tons of complaints with people saying it was a stupid way of ending the story. But, didn’t you just KNOW that was going to happen? You can see these things a mile off. So bored with R&R rowing all the time too.
I’m bored of the patrick/tommy/root (who is she?)/’whatever the bloke who was seeing Chelsea name was’ thing too. Who cares? I mean really. Who cares. Another storyline that comes out of nowhere for no apparent reason, just to get The Equalizer on the show! Ridiculous. Get back to interesting stuff.
What I wish they’d also do is get rid of noisy eating and shuffling. Worst Offender is Max Branning. My God, he sounds like a pig at the trough when he eats, and how come he can’t utter a word when standing without constantly shuffling his feet in the most noisy way ever. Doesn’t ANYONE have carpets in the East End of London!? Clearly not there, anyway. Look out for it if you haven’t noticed. If you can hear anything over the sound of him chomping or slurping red wine, that is!
Normally I love the Enders, but lately I’m finding it really tedious.
Hurrah for Marco! I love his touch of madness. I had to tape it last night, started watching it but was too tired. I should make him a sarnie, mine are fab, even if I do say so myself!
xxxxx
‘Had forgotten what an absolute hunk MPW used to be…that photo of him with a large fish across his legs, wow!’
not because I disagree, I do agree, the man was such a honey (time can be cruel, even to men!) but it was the addition of him having a large fish across his legs! Corkingly written comment!
I remember when he married Lisa Butcher. I bought Hello! (or could have been Ok!) and thought what a stroppy git he looked. Turned out he wasn’t happy with her choice of frock. I remember it clearly. It was Bruce Oldfield designed, but could be wrong. Fitted, absolutely beautiful apart from two cut out bits, either side of the waist. Totally ruined what was an elegant and stunning dress. Anyway, apparently Marco did not like it, he felt it was a dress ‘for the world’ rather than for him. must say I feel he has a point, it was more ‘ooh, look at me’ rather than ‘this is for the man I love’. However, she did look beautiful in it.
Did you watch his show last year, the one where he cooked a three course meal and went around the country to find the Best of British? Brilliant. He is such a lovely man really, with just a scary hint of madness. He doesn’t drive, which is why he had is driver Mr Wuu. I read somewhere that he drives on his own land, but hasn’t passed his test which is why he can’t drive on roads. (Can you imagine being the examiner and turning to MPW and saying ’sorry Mr White, you have failed’! Crikey! Who would want that task?!) It cracked me up when they passed some donkeys and MPW asked Mr Wuu to stop, then went back and chatted to the donkeys for a while. Afterwards he kept rambling on and saying ‘I love donkeys’. It was hilarious, he seemed bonkers! Bonkers but brilliant. Safe to say I am a fan of Marco. I think he’s fab and much nicer than Ramsay who is too far up his own backside for my liking, and why he feels the need to say ‘yes?’ on the end of each sentence is beyond me. Man is an idiot.
hope today has been a good day. Sounds like you did well yesterday, and yes, you and your mum certainly had shopping in common!
xxxxx
me again. Who’s a smart arse then?!
(that would be me!)
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1076162/His-marriage-end-divorce-Now-Marco-Pierre-White-says-hes-ready-fall-love–time.html
I am looking like a stalker!
saw your comment. I saw half of the Kirstie programme last night. I watched ‘My Family’ on BBC then switched over. I was chortling away watching her running up cushions on the sewing machine, while she ranted on about how great it was! Reminded me so much of me!
I enjoyed what I saw, and I plan to move in with her parents. Love their house! I want to alter it just a tiny bit, making it less cluttered and more floral, but ooh, other than that it’s perfect. I love the kitchen. Really looks like my kind of prog. so next week I’ll tape it so I can watch it from start to finish. 
xx
Hope your day has been good, sounds like you’ve been busy!
me again. hope the hospital appointment went well yesterday.
Came to warn you about Liz Jones’ diary page today. If you are feeling weepy in any way, give it a miss. She writes about her cat dying and it had me in floods of tears. She wrote it so well you could feel her pain. She loved that cat, it was heart wrenching to read. I’m still snivelling about it now.
got to go. Hope you have a lovely Sunday, and I’ll be thinking of you tomorrow.
ooh, must go to the C4 site, and see if I can watch the Kirstie programme there, miss the Cath interview part! xxxxx
dear Nikki~ my heartfelt condolences on your Mum’s passing. Even when it is anticipated, it isn’t an easy time but losing your Mum so suddenly, I’m sure, has been very difficult. I’ve been thinking of you often. Your brother’s words from the memorial were so touching….I’m sitting at the computer weeping. Thank you for posting them and the piccies. Speak soon and take care xo
Oh, Nikki, what a beautiful post.
Take care, hugs!
Did you see Hell’s Kitchen? I was glad Linda won, but deep down I wanted Ade to win. He has made me laugh so much with his Marco impressions. Totally brilliant. So glad Anthea was booted out reasonably early, her and her dull hubby were so annoying. What was all that ‘would you look after Anthea’ rubbish to Marco about? Honestly. She wasn’t going to war or anything, and it was only for a few days. If they are that OTT I’m glad I don’t know them. Couple of drips!
xxx
how much did you love The Apprentice last night?! That bloke Phillip is such a total arse! So is the Irish one who thinks he’s a genius but is in fact a complete loser. If I’d been Surallen I’d have booted out all three from the boardroom!
Talking of telly, Kirstie’s Me Me Me and MY new Home is on tonight! I watched most of it last week, and will give it a miss tonight. I like elements of it, but for the most part it seems like one big boast about what she’s doing and how she appears to do nothing but shop. I wonder home much C4 are paying for her new stuff? The way she just slips in a casual ‘a lovely mirror I bought for just £150′ or whatever. She seems to have no concept that to most people ‘just spending’ the amounts she spouts out as if she’s got the best bargain in the world, is an awful lot of money that could be better spent. The thing that most cracks me up, is the titles. There she is happily knitting in a Stepford wife kind of way, wearing Louboutins!!!!! I note that in any going up the stairs shot, we are always privvy to a flash of the red soles of Mr Louboutin. So what she spends on one pair of shoes would pay a monthly mortgage repayment of the average bod. Ok, she’s clearly quite well off and how she spends her loot is totally her bizniz (would I not live in Louboutin if I could? Absolutely) but I think C4 should have put this series on hold, until things were looking up for the rest of the country. It’s not exactly giving helpful thrifty decorating ideas is it? Just pure self indulgence. I mean, hand printing your own wallpaper at £100 a pop?!!!!! Dear oh dear oh dear. Talk about missed opportunity!
Now I’ve said my bit I will away. Have fun this weekend! But keep safe and aware of this swine flu thing. What a worry, like we don’t all have enough to worry about.
xxxxx
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